So last night me and Ms Thang decided to go enjoy some Mexican food at our local fav Mexican place and as always it was delicious, but anyway I’m sure you’re not interested in what I had to eat. So what’s my point? Well ok here it comes.

We’re sitting there enjoying our food and at the booth across from us is a group of four lesbians. How could I tell they were lesbians, well aside from the fact they had all the dyke signs, my gaydar was just goin off the chart. Look it wasn’t a huge leap though ya know, they had the short hair, the shorts, tight tees, chunky watches, big rings and all the rest of it. Oh also, one of them had her hand on her girlfriends leg under the table, but that was beside the point. So anyway, it got me to thinking about identity and how people never know I’m a lesbian because of how I look. Now, if I’m comfy being the way I am, ie not butch, not femme (at least in my mind) then how do I ever let people know I’m gay without mackin Ms Thang in the middle of the restaurant?

It’s something that has annoyed me for some time. I want to be out, I want everyone to know I’m gay and proud of it, but I’m not comfy being butch. I don’t give a damn if other dykes are, I’m cool with that, but I just don’t feel that is who I am. This gets to me because people naturally assume I’m straight and that gets on my nerves. I was thinking about the dykes at the table across form us and everyone in the restaurant must have known they were gay and there’s a real freedom in that. I bet nobody thought we were gay and for some reason that is frustrating. It reminds me of the monologue in the lesbian movie Go Fish where she’s saying that she’s not out to the person at the bus stop, to the person waiting in line next to her.. and it’s so true. Without the tell tale signs, does gaydar really work?…